some of my favourite songs:

Becoming someone I’m not

This is a more personal post, something I shy away from on this blog. I had to create a new category for it. Will be interesting to see if it becomes published material…

Over the years, as I have explored new ideas and learned hard lessons, it is painfully evident that I am becoming someone I’m not, very different from who I feel I used to be, who I really am. It’s something I’m really wrestling with amongst many other challenges in my life. But what defines who we really are? We’re constantly bombarded with people encouraging us to ‘be who we are’ and ‘be true to yourself’, ‘don’t take crap from anyone’, but I think that these ideas can be a hindrance to personal progress and development.

But I’m still very torn about this idea. I know the changes I’ve made in my life and regarding who I am have made a huge difference in my relationships with others, and my work and goals. It’s a very positive thing. But humans find change very difficult, and I’m no exception. The hardest part about this process is that I feel I am losing many of the things I have always felt defined me as a person, my brutal honesty and affinity with reality, my anti establishment, counter culture, non conformist rebelliousness, and my taste in many things that are unpopular to say the least, especially music. These are traits that are slowly diminishing as a result of my becoming an upstanding, exemplary individual.

But when those things hurt others who are sensitive deeply, and destroy precious relationships, and hold you back from realising your true potential, that’s where I feel motivated to ‘be who I am truly meant to be’, the person I hope I am becoming.

There’s a great rock song by Linkin Park ‘What I’ve Done’ that I posted about here on this subject.
I love the line in those lyrics, ” I’ll face myself, To cross out what I’ve become, Erase myself, And let go of what I’ve done”

Who knows if who we think we are is really who we were meant to be? We are total victims of our environment and upbringing, totally influenced by the world, as my favorite quote reveals. Does the end result really represent our true selves? I have come to the realisation that in the transformation that has been happening over the last 10 years or so, and will continue for another 10 or more, that in order to live to my full potential, and be who I am meant to be, I have had to unlearn many things from my past, in order to accept new ideas and be who I truly am, the person I am meant to be.

It seems in order to do that, I’m just going to have to somehow become detached from the things I ‘was’.

Check back with me in 10 years and I’ll let you know how it’s going.

2 Responses to “Becoming someone I’m not”

  1. Elika Says:

    Thanks Jarome for sharing… it takes courage to write what you did on the subject of personal transformation. it is a topic that is rarely talked about as many of us are afraid of sharing what we really think of feel. I applaud you for taking off your mask and sharing a challenge you have been facing. it is a reminder for all of us to be honest and truthful about who we are and what we are aiming for.
    Growth and change are a painful and necessary process if we are striving for excellence in our lives and it is something all of us are challenged to do. Strive on Jarome – I am a witness to the new changes in you and feel blessed to know you and work with you!

  2. Felisha Says:

    Interesting! Here’s a excerpt from Eckhart Tolle’s book “A New Earth” that relates to what your talking about:
    “I usually congratulate people when they tell me, “I don’t know who I am anymore.” Then they look perplexed and ask, “Are you saying it is a good thing to be confused?” I ask them to investigate. What does it mean to be confused? “I don’t know is not confusion. Confusion is: “I don’t know, but I should know” or “I don’t know, but I need to know.” Is it possible to let go of the belief that you should or need to know who you are? In other words, can you cease looking to conceptual definitions to give you a sense of self? Can you cease looking to thought for an identity? When you let go of the belief that you should or need to know who you are, what happens to confusion? Suddenly it is gone. When you fully accept that you don’t know, you actually enter a state of peace and clarity that is closer to who you truly are than thought could ever be. Defining yourself through thought is limiting yourself.”